Life is so sad :(

Jeremy's Grandma died last night. It's so sad. It really brought back all the memories of my grandma and when she died in February. I miss her terribly. Her death was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Even harder than my dad's. Probably because she was such an important person in my life. I miss her so much.

Jeremy wrote the sweetest tribute to his grandmother on his blog.

Click Here


It makes me sad for my kids. They really got a raw deal in the grandparent department. They didn't and wont have that connection with someone. They can't ever look back like I can on my grandma. Brett's parents don't understand them, and aren't very interested in them at all. Their other grand kids are into 4-H and farming and all the things they can comprehend. Not my boys. My kids didn't ever get to really meet my dad so they didn't have that. And my mom isn't too interested in them and can't ever look back on good time with grandma.

I remember sitting under the Willow Tree with my grandma- shelling peas. I loved it. She taught me to can. She taught me to play games and NEVER cheat playing any games. My grandma hated cheaters! When I would win she would tell me how smart I was. I always wondered if she let me win. She would always tell me I was pretty- even if I wasn't. She never made fun of my teeth or greasy hair. She would laugh at everything. She was always smiling. She was the best cook. She was outdoorsy and loved to fish with my grandpa. I always wondered if she loved it because he did and they were always together. My grandparents remind me of how Brett and I are. Instead of yelling "Clyde" I yell "Brett"- and instead of my grandpa saying "Oh Hell" Brett uses more colorful words :)

My grandma used to spend a week with us ALONE or with sisters or cousins if we chose. It was your choice. I always chose to have a sister or two come for the company. But if I wanted- I could have her all to myself. She would take you to Kmart at the end of the week and let you pick out something. She would fix you your favorites for "Supper" and read to you at night. She was a REAL grandma and you were sure you were her favorite. She made you feel safe and loved regardless of looks or who you were. I miss her SO much.

I wish my kids had that kind of love and safety in their lives with their grandparents. They have never had a weekend alone with my mom, she wouldn't have wanted to. I have always thought it was because they were boys- but I have seen her with my sisters and brothers sons. So I think my kids are too much like me for her tastes. Brett's mom has them come spend a few days...........which results in HILARIOUS stories! They dread it though and hate to be alone with her. When they were little they would call me crying to please come get them.

All of this has taught me a few important things.

I will be the BEST Grandma EVER. I will laugh with my grand kids, read with my grand kids, LOVE my grand kids. I will tell them they are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I will make them each feel like they are my favorite. I will spend time with them and be happy for the chance to get to know them- I will make the most of that chance. I will SPOIL them rotten and fix them their favorite things. I will be just like my grandma was! I will even teach them to can if they want. I will cook with them and enjoy every moment of it. I will make my house a place they want to come.


Life is too sad sometimes to deal with.